A Different Sort of Kefka Hack

I think my rewritten opera scene is shaping up to be one of the funniest parts. It involves Kefka in a dress singing about hatred and contempt. I'll post it here once I get it finished.

Edit: Here it is

Impresario: How dreadful, who will replace Isaac in the play?
Isaac? Who's Isaac?
Impresario: He's the lead singer who plays the part of Maria. A young man. Unfortunately, he died recently in an airship crash. He was quite the charmer... Scarlet eyes, blonde hair, high voice, rather feminine...
Hey, that sounds just like Kefka!
That man must've dropped this...
Maestro: That man is the director of the troupe that performs at the opera house. Everyone just calls him "Impresario." He's been in a tizzy ever since that letter arrived.

"Dearest Isaac,
I've decided to spend quality time with you, so I'll be coming to whisk you away.
Your Mother"

His mother?
Maestro: Yeah, she's been in denial about his death.

"Bleh! An overbearing and delusional mother. And one that makes me glad I was an orphan..."

What'll I call this loser?

Lady

Maestro: She mostly goes by her nickname "Lady," rather than her real name. She loves airships, and being a distant relative of Setzer's, she has her own: the Enterprise.
If we had that airship, we could find a way into that mysterious phantom Empire that's reappeared...
Let's have someone alert Kefka to this, and set up a meeting with this Lady.

Impresario: Ah! It's you guys again! Kefka has already arrived, and is practicing for Isaac's part.
We read that letter. So, Lady is coming to snatch Isaac away...
Impresario: She'll probably appear right at the climax of the first act, thinking that Kefka is Isaac.
And when she shows up, we'll jump out and get her!
Impresario: That sounds like a plan. But, you do realize Kefka will be abducted?
Yeah, and he probably won't like that. He hates being touched, and he hates airships.
Impresario: Hates airships? What a sour fellow. Unfortunately, the performance will probably be ruined as well.
But that's okay. We have to get that airship.
We have to put a stop to the phantom memories. And figure out why Kefka's powers are going haywire.
Impresario: Oh? That sounds scary. Yes, that's much more important than the performance.
Hey, it looks like Bird misses Kefka...
Bird: Squawk! Hate, hate, hate!
Bird: Hate, hate, hate!
Bird: Son of a submariner! Squawk!
Aww, poor Bird, he really wants to see Kefka.
Impresario: We better let him in then.
Bird: Haaaate!

[Bird rushes into the room just ahead.]

No! Not you!
Hate, hate, hate!
Stop copying me! Stop it! Who let you in here, anyway?
Haaate... Yooou... ARRRG!

Aww, Bird and Kefka are best buds!

Kraktos: Mwa-ha-ha! I gots my own little surprise planned for your little clown friend! Hehehe, I'll trick them, and then he'll be smooshed, and then I'll steal his magic powers!

[Kraktos throws a letter just behind the group.]

I bet Kefka will be a great opera singer!

Kraktos: Gaaaah! Isn't anyone gonna read it!?

[The group sits down to watch the beginning of the opera.]

The war between the East and the West was growing ever more
violent by the day... Draco, a soldier from the West, thinks of
his love, Maria, back at home...

"O Maria!
O Maria!
My beloved, do you hear
My words whispered in your ear
As if I were by your side?"


Dog: Woof!
Impresario: Hey, why not check up on Kefka, pooch?

Dog: Woof!
[Celes in opera dress has been replaced by Kefka in opera dress.]
Kefka: Oh, it's just the dog.
Kefka: They told me I didn't have to wear the dress. But I wanted to look pretty for the opera anyway. Aren't I gorgeous?
Kefka: Teehee! I feel so girlish!
Kefka: I love this ribbon!
Kefka: But these lyrics are so DISGUSTING! Bleh! All about love! So I changed them to be more appealing.
Kefka: And if anyone complains about it, I'll burn them to a crisp!

The Western armies were defeated, and Maria's castle fell into
the hands of the East. Forced to wed the Eastern Prince Ralse,
Maria still thinks only Draco as she gazes at the stars each
night...

[ During the singing scene, all the correct answers have to do with hatred, and all the wrong answers have to do with love.]

"O how I hate you, you scum,
I'd much rather be drinking rum,
Romance makes me puke
I'd like to blow your head off with a shotgun!
I'm better than you,
You're just mortal trash
If I could, I'd kill you in a flash.
Seriously, I hate you,
The word hate doesn't even describe
How deep my loathing is for you.
My heart is blackened with rage
I'd like to throw you in a cage
And dumb it in the ocean
I'd go to your grave
And do a little dance on it."

Draco: Come, Maria! Dance with me...
Draco: Ha-ha-ha...!

"I don't like you, you nimrod,
I don't care, I really don't.
I'd like to gouge out your eyes,
So stupid and idiotic,
I wish you'd get eaten by a bear,
Because I really don't care,
I don't care about you,
I have nothing but contempt for you,
My hatred runs deep,
And forever burns with loathing!"

Chancellor: Prince Ralse is looking for his dance partner. Please, leave the
past behind! Our kingdom is part of the East now...

Dog: Woof!

[Dog notices a letter on the ground.]

I owe you guys one, so I'm gonna crush your angry little clown friend!
Kraktos

Dog: Woof! (Uh-oh... Dog better tell impresario!)
Impresario: What!?

[The opera continues on.]


Soldier: The Western survivors attack!
Ralse: Impossible!
Attack!

Wait!

[Draco enters onto the stage.]

"Maria!"

"Oh, Draco!
If only you realized
That I actually despise you!"

"Insolent rogue!
Knave of the Western horde!
You would address my queen to be,
Maria?"

"Never shall you have Maria's hand!
I would die before that day comes!"

"Then it's a duel!"

[Scene switches back to Dog and the Impresario.]

Impresario: But how is he planning to disrupt the opera? ...With that!?

Kraktos: Mwa-ha-ha! Let's see if Kefka can shrug this off!
Kraktos: N'ghaaa! This is heavier than I thought! It's gonna make me 5
minutes to push this thing off!
Dude: Looks like we haven't a second to lose, man!
Impresario: Talk to the stagehand in the room up on the right! He'll help
you get up there!
Dude: Leave it to us! We're totally rad!

[The group goes to see the stagehand.]

Stagehand: The impresario sent you? You need to get up to the catwalks?
Lower the switch on the far right. Bu don't touch any of the
others!

[The party meets up with Kraktos.]

Kraktos: Huh...? Oh, rats!

[Kraktos and the party fall onto the middle of the stage.]

Impresario: Oh no, this'll never do! With those two flattened, there's no
one to win the girl! How can the story possibly continue!?
Dog: Woof! Woof! (Dog marry Kefka! Dog love Kefka!)
Dog: Grrr... I... I ruff you, woofka!
Impresario: ... D-did that dog just talk?
Kraktos: Silence, knave! You stand in the presence of squid royalty!
A lowborn mutt like you could never defeat me! I challenge you
to a duel!
Impresario: Hmm... Might as well make the most of this. MUSIC!

[The party enters into battle with Kraktos.]

[The group defeats Kraktos.]

(For this part, when Lady transforms Kefka's sprite, he needs to be swapped with Bird, so that he appears as himself.)

My baby!
Your performance has made me so proud!
Impresario: Lady!
Lady: That's right, I'm whisking my beloved son away! Oh Isaac! How I've missed you!
Kefka: ARRG! Stop hugging me!
Impresario: Aww, how sweet. Is there anything more beautiful than a mother's love for her child?

[Scene switches to Lady's ship.]

Edit 2:
Yaaaaay! I got Parallels to work on my mac! I'm running Windows 7 and I managed to open and use FF3usME! Hmm, but now I need to figure out how to actually make use of the tools...