Quote:Let me tell you a story:

It’s about three deer who all lived in the woods like deer usually do.

Now, Mardi Gras came along, except they didn’t have any floral bracelets in order to celebrate, and so they had to go to the market in order to buy the necessary material; which is to say: vinegar, a trumpet, and three bowls of oatmeal prepackaged with some milk on the side for flavor.

So, the first deer, the eldest, went to the market first. Then, when he came back from the store, he accidentally bought a diatribe. His brothers were certainly disappointed.

On the second day, the second deer, the one in the middle, went to the market in order to buy the necessary ingredients. Unfortunately, when he got back with all the elements he had to buy, he encountered a troll on the bridge who required the necessary sort of payment to cross the bridge. Now, one may wonder: Why didn’t he have to pay any toll to cross the bridge the first time? The answer is: There are none. We would ask the deer himself, except as part of the toll, he was eaten, because deer meat is delicious.

So it came to the third deer, the youngest one; the one that has three heads. He went to the market, and he bought the necessary elements, but then he realized that he gave too much money and the shopkeeper didn’t give him back exact change. So he summoned forth the forces of nature, and on that night, it rained frogs, and squirrels, and porcupines, and octopus, and eels, and turnips, and koala bears, and a panda, and three elk, and seaweed, and a starfish, and three whales, also followed by three narwhals and one hunchbacked whale at the end. They all fell upon the city of New York, the hive of all greed and villainy. And this is why, henceforth, we do not celebrate St. Petersburg’s Day.